The Lost Art of Conversation

Back in the days of yonder, say 1899 in late June, the Saturday Evening Post printed an article about the "lost art of conversation." You can read it for yourself. 

Why was this such a problem for the fine folks of a century that was nearly turning 1900? 

It all had to do with reading. Yes, reading. As in, too much reading was causing people to not talk to one another.

It strikes me funny that reading was the problem behind their lack of conversation. Yet, I can see how this could be thought of as detrimental to society. Because what else could stop a conversation? Before books, there was nothing one could do if they were bored that would mentally remove them from the room.

I suppose women had their sewing, but they probably talked while they sewed. And it's why quilting groups are popular, even today. You get together to create something beautiful but you also get to talk, conversate, laugh, and enjoy each other's company at the same time.

As the writer of the 1899 article said, "The very act of reading is unsocial. It is a kind of melancholy barbarism. If you look about you in a railway station, in a streetcar or a 'bus, you will observe that everyone is reading.... Conversation is in a way of becoming a lost art.... We have such a precious deal of reading to do that conversation is out of the question."

Reading books, on a train (the nerve!) stopped the conversation. Reading was a way for one to turn into oneself, an escapism into a world of one's own, where the need for talk wasn't necessary. In fact, it was discouraged. How could one read and talk at the same time? 

Today, we can only hope that people are reading. Because, while reading has declined, that's not our biggest problem now. If the writer of this article could have only seen how little reading we actually do anymore, he would've scrapped the article altogether.

We not only don't read anymore but are instead on our phones. The reading "problem" of 100 years ago is a problem I wish we had. We scroll, text, and email, instead and we do it all day long. Can you imagine going to an airport and seeing everyone with a book instead of a phone? 

I just got back from visiting some wonderful friends who have since moved to Florida since I last saw them. It was a wonderful time of much talking and laughing. What happened to our phones? Well, I can tell you that other than the random email, or text, or other than some necessary business communication, we weren't on our phones. At all.

All four of us, for the better part of four days, were lost in the art of actual conversation.

We also did this a couple years earlier with another set of friends in Idaho. Three days of talk and laughter and amazing conversation. It was energizing and life-giving, and because of both of these trips, I understood the force behind the concept of this article. He understood that community and conversation, that communication and connection with each other is where we thrive and grow. It makes us well.

In the context of all things, I sincerely wish more people read. Having a face in a book is leaps better than having a face in the phone (unless you're reading a book on an e-reader.)

So now that I'm back home, with the option to scroll mindlessly wherever I go, I want to change that. When I take a walk by myself, the phone stays in my pocket. How many times have I walked by someone after the fact, and realized I had my nose to the phone and didn't even see them? So rude, so pointless, and so very selfish. How much am I missing around me all because I can't sit still for a few minutes without my phone entertaining me?

If you've actually taken a moment, to get off your phone in an airport, it's astonishing to see all the heads looking down into their hand while they wait for their flight to arrive. Most are not reading a book. They are all watching something on that little screen. Every man, woman, and child.

The average person spends 4.5 hours on their phone every day and younger folks, up to 6 hours. This means, conservatively, that most of us, if we stay on this horrible trajectory of time-wasting, will in fifty years have spent 9.5 years scrolling.

All I can think about is what books aren't being written because young people are scrolling? What art isn't being drawn, sculpted, or painted? What music isn't being composed? What major scientific discovery is waiting to be unearthed but hasn't yet because little Johnny is watching YouTube videos?

We are wasting away; we are becoming the most unproductive society; we have lost all creativity. And I don't want to be a part of the demise of us.

So, I have a list where I can interact more and scroll less.

• At the gas station - don't whip out the phone, look at the people around me, and maybe, I know this might be hard for some, but maybe smile.
• In the grocery store line - talk to someone next to me.
• At the post office line - talk to someone next to me.
• At the airport - talk to someone sitting next to me.
• Cooking a meal - leave the phone alone! Don't cook eggs and scroll at the same time - I will burn those eggs. Mmm. Yummy.
• At home - lessen my screen time. Use my time to create, make, become, and discover.
• At the shops I frequent, with a line out the door just to check out - check the email once and then watch the other customers, look for spare change on the floor, and be available in case someone needs my help with something. (I get lots of people asking me their opinion of what they're buying once we're in line - they tend not to ask if I'm on my phone. Interesting, huh?)

Yes, this means an introvert like myself has to talk more. But, I don't need to give up the phone entirely. Instead, maybe give it a rest for five to ten minutes. Look where you're standing; look at the people near you; look at the way the sun is setting out the window while you wait to pick up your dinner.

We'll always have technology, but we can choose to not let it rule our social lives. We can put that phone where it belongs: away. The phone is a slim box of metal and plastic that doesn't need to be at my face for me to function well. (I know, young people will  be amazed at this, but it's true.) 

If you still need your phone, fine. I get it, we all do to some degree because that's how our society is now wired. But, we can surely do something about the time spent on it. Instead of 4.5 hours per day, lessen it to 3.5. Then work your way down to 2.5 hours. Put timers on your phone. Something. Anything.

I venture to say that we should read more, scroll less, and more importantly, find people whom we can see face to face. Let's have those conversations, let's forget about our phones, let's talk and discuss and have a conversation that needs to happen.

Today, the lost art of conversation isn't due to reading books, but instead due to smartphones and tablets. Let's bring the conversation back and hopefully with it, we will bring back the tenets of slow living and re-infuse true creativity - from books to art to science to cooking - back into our lives so we can give an honest account of our lives one day.

I don't know about you, but I sure have no plausible excuse for 9.5 years of scrolling when I meet God one day. That's 9.5 years wasted and gone.

If there's anything I got out of my trip to Florida (and watching everyone at airports on their phone) it's this: Less phone, more conversation.  That's it.

We can do this.