Empty Nesting 101

Change is a tough thing. 

Most of the time, I tend to view change as a problem. It's as if something, someone, or some force went in, and changed my life without my permission, and now I have to deal with the fallout because - as we all have come to believe - change isn't a good thing.

But what if I viewed change as a good challenge? What if I viewed relationships and big shifting events as God telling me my life needs to go in a new direction? And if I'm looking at it with the right vision, Maybe this is exactly what I need?

My youngest son just flew the coop. I am in full "empty nest" mode. His room is empty, completely devoid of all the things that made this room his, and I'm not cool with it, to be honest. 

There should be a required class that all parents of older teens have to take (before the kid leaves) called Empty Nesting 101 to prepare the parents for the hollowness that follows them around the house. It's brutal. For years, we've known this day would come and yet somehow I still feel like I was abandoned.

There would be lessons in the syllabus that explained how to navigate Costco (now that you don't have extra mouths to feed). How not to hyperventilate that the washing machine is mostly empty every day, since you don't do their laundry. How to remain calm knowing that the bathroom you cleaned one day will stay clean for the rest of the week (or maybe longer if you have boys). 

Everything is different and it will look foreign for a long time. There might even be equations to memorize like, "For every seven years of parenting, it will take six months to undo your normal way of doing everything around the house. How do you solve for 18 years and two months?"

Right now, these days just after he moved, is not the most pleasant of experiences. My kids no longer need me like they used to and that's a shock for any parent. Of course, this is life; we raise our kids to become free, strong, and crazy good people, yet it still hurts to let them go. 

There is nothing good about this change; it feels like I'm getting fired from being a mom, something I've done for almost 24 years.

But, I'm going to be fine.

If I didn't experience change I would never change anything, right? I would settle in my ways and never learn anything new, do anything new, extract the things that don't belong, and keep further settling myself into the comfortable armchair of life.

I know this is true for me. It's why when several good friends moved away, it forced me to make new friends. I probably wouldn't have done this if my friends hadn't left. Why would I? I wouldn't have thought I needed to.

But I really did. All of the changes in my life were needed now that I look back on them.

Just as health issues forced me to change my eating habits, my children leaving the nest shows me new areas I can focus on. Whether that's writing a book I promised myself twenty years ago, working more on my health, or doing the creative things I've been longing to do. 

New areas to work on means refocusing my life's direction and continuing on in the slow living I desire for my life. This is change. But gosh, when I look at it that way, maybe I'll be able to hand it after all?

So, while I may not wish this "empty nesting" change, there's nothing I can do to put it back the way it was. Instead, I will meet this challenge with happiness (even if that is not quite there yet), and find new ways to live my life. (Besides, I can text and FaceTime them. No son can get away from his mother that easily, ha!)

Empty nesting is not for the faint of heart, and right about now, I feel like those "benefits" of change I just talked about are dismal. Even if Empty Nesting 101 had been available, I probably would've failed. I would have cried through the entire class, and never completed the given exercises like, "If you have 100 dollars and zero kids ask for zero dollars, how much do you have left?"

But millions of us parents go through this. They survived, and I will survive, and it will become a new normal.

Having said that, I sure can't wait to see my kids again.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Heather. I have a lot of empathy for you right now. We've gone through a couple rounds of "empty nesting" with our daughters and it always left me shattered. But it's been 20 months since either of them lived at home and I can say it's rather pleasant...though I am glad they only live 4 miles away and we see them weekly! 😘

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  2. I love that they live so close to you. What a blessing. Glad to hear it gets better too. lol. ;) Thank you, Karen. ♥

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